I think I’ve finally realized what she wants me to understand. When she told me that she wasn’t in love with me anymore on the night we broke up she really meant it. She doesn’t want to be with the person that I am now. I never thought that she would hate to hear my voice like I feel she does. I imagine every thought of me only serves to make her recall how annoying I have become to her.

I don’t think she cares if I’m in her life or not; I think she is only trying to be friends with me so that she knows that I’m OK and that I won’t be doing anything stupid. I doubt she cares about me like she wants me to believe. It hurts to have the closest person to you not want to be around you or really talk to you.

If she was the only person I’d would think she just doesn’t like me much and I would move on to another friend. But there isn’t one that I can really share things with or really want to be around me. Its just me.

She won’t give me a chance to relax around her because she is too busy trying to protect my feelings. She is always afraid of how I’ll react, but she doesn’t realize that we aren’t together anymore and that I’ll actually react differently. If she did let me relax I would be me again. The guy she remembers. She has reasons not to let me.

I’m weird in a bad way, I’m annoying and I’m boring to everyone. I don’t agree. I feel like no one wants to give me a chance to show them who I am. Show them me. Who knows maybe they do see it, maybe they don’t like it either.

I feel like I can’t do this alone and no one I know can help me with this.