I can’t say that I know how I’m supposed to look at everything right now. I’m lonely, but at the same time I’m not. I feel like I’m annoying and very few want to be around me. Even those that don’t mind being around me seem to want to keep a distance from me. I guess I can’t say I blame them. Who wants to be around a depressed person? If only they knew that I’m depressed because I’m lonely.

We’re trying to be friends now. Its made me feel a lot better about things. I still have some doubts about if she is telling the truth or not about liking him. She knows that I wouldn’t be friends with her, or want anything to do with her, if she did tell me that. I believe her, or I really really want to.

I don’t know what kind of a friend she sees me as now, and I’m afraid to ask. I see her as my best friend still and I know she probably doesn’t see me the same way. I feel like she wants to avoid me, or keep me at a distance. It makes sense; we’re still trying to get over each other. I’m unsure how much is too much. Being friends makes things a lot easier though.

If given the chance to get back with her I don’t know how I would react. My mood always changes on that. One moment I’m willing, the next I wouldn’t without some time and changes I think we both need to make. I’m not sure when I am willing if its because I’m lonely or what.

I think the best way for me to get over her, and keep our friendship just a friendship is to try hanging out with more people more often. A friendship with her is what I think is best right now and I’m not going to give that up for anyone.

I try to talk to other people, but unlike her they are a lot less willing to respond. I know I’m not ready for a real relationship with anyone and I haven’t put a lot of effort into anything beyond friendships. I have to really start dealing with this loneliness and people aren’t making that easy.